Hug a Turkey

It’s 9:00 on Thanksgiving and I’m scrambling a bit to gather my thoughts after a full day of cooking and family time. I want to honor my commitment to post every Friday in November and, given that, I am thankful that this is the last Friday in November. We were supposed to be spending this weekend with our son and his new bride but, at the last minute, decided to drive to New Jersey to spend it with Brian’s mom who was unable to fly to join us as she usually does to celebrate both her birthday and Thanksgiving. She turned 89 this week so…Happy Birthday Rita!

Fritz, Erica, Dad, Rich & me at a family reunion in Colorado in 2008.

I’ve been thinking a lot about holidays and family gatherings of late. This is one of my favorite pictures of my siblings & me and the number of times the four of us have been in the same place at the same time is all too rare. It occurred to me recently that I have not spent a major holiday with more than one member of my extended family in attendance in a full decade. And that was either just my dad or my niece who is at ND. How did I let that happen? I have such fond memories of our big family holiday gatherings hosted by my mom and my aunt every year. Of course, when I say big, it’s all relative. We only had 5 cousins and one living grandparent so when ALL of us were together we’re only talking 16 people. We’ve hosted twice that for plenty of of post football dinners. But that was a full house. And full in every sense of the word. Lots of people, lots of laughter, lots of love, and plenty of food (and drink for the adults). How did we lose that tradition? The pandemic certainly has made gatherings more difficult, but my family made it difficult on ourselves long before the pandemic when we all moved out of comfortable driving distance from each other. Work, growing families, and travel logistics have made it complicated to pull off the kind of Rockwellian, Hallmark kind of holidays I dream about.

We did have a couple big extended family gatherings on the calendar for 2020 & 2021 but those were casualties of pandemic caution and restrictions. A planned family reunion in the summer of 2020 in Whistler, Canada got the axe. The Canadians wouldn’t even let us in! And then in May of this year, our son’s wedding became an intimate gathering of 38 instead of a slightly more raucous party for 200. It was still a beautiful celebration of their love that we will remember forever, but we truly missed the family members who weren’t able to join us. Saddest of all, for so many reasons, my dad passed away in April 2020. We naively thought we could just postpone his funeral until summer when things got better. But they didn’t get better. And since everyone had to travel back to our hometown for the planned bon voyage, as my mom liked to call it, it never happened. And that’s a shame because if anyone deserved a big send off, it was my dad. We honored him in different ways but I missed the bear hugs from my siblings, nephews & cousins. I missed the stories told over a drink with more laughter than tears. I missed just being together. I think it was a Christmas gathering shortly after I graduated from college when my brother, Fritz, raised his glass and said “Is this a great family or what? I love you guys!” He was a little tipsy but he’s never been more eloquent! And from that moment on, that phrase became our family motto. And when any combination of us get together, we all feel the joy of being part of a truly great family. Not perfect, not without disagreements, but full of good will and genuine love.

Now don’t get me wrong, there have been many lovely, if quieter, holiday gatherings in the last decade. We spent several wonderful Christmases in Florida with the Levey side of the clan and our Thanksgiving table has been filled by students and friends over the years. Even if we’re with just Conor and Sarah, my heart is as full as my belly by the end of the night. But like baby chicks imprint on the first moving object they see after hatching, I imprinted on the original turkeys that ran around our house on Sheridan Road and find myself missing them today. I am resigned to just missing my parents for the rest of my life, but I can be more intentional about gathering with the ever growing extended family. Because I’ve had too many reminders in the last couple weeks that we can’t all count on getting together “next year.” Time and people sometimes pass far too quickly so we need to make hay while the sun shines to use another farm metaphor. I don’t know how (or even if) actual turkeys show affection — they truly are one of God’s most awkward creations — but I miss hugging my favorite turkeys. I hope you got to hug your chicks and turkeys yesterday.