Heavy Lifting
This is what it looks like when you’re struggling under the weight of your creative efforts. It’s so attractive it makes you think it isn’t even work. Am I right?? (Image downloaded from Snipstock).
I joined a new gym a couple months ago*. That’s a somewhat surprising statement to anyone who knows me well since they know that when it comes to fitness, I am more of a dabbler than a diehard. But watching my dad age not-so -gracefully was the ultimate cautionary tale. Strength and mobility are key to having the freedom to come and go that we all hope for and, frankly, plan on. Unfortunately, we’ve reached that age where we have friends who aren’t getting that option. So three mornings a week I drag myself out of a warm, comfy bed and let Steve & Alex find my current limits and push me “just” beyond them. And it feels good to be lifting weights that are further down the row with relative ease. (To be clear, there are no over-the-head thrusts with weights anywhere near three digits but you have to start somewhere).
One of the things I like about this gym is that, since they are brand new, they are still building a clientele. That means classes are small and I’m getting a lot of personal training and attention at a very reasonable rate. Since I am not innately comfortable with all the weights, bands and balls, it’s awesome to have help figuring out the right way to use them. It’s also great to not be in it alone. Plenty of people work out at home and, while I love the convenience of that, I don’t love that it’s one more thing I figure out on my own and do by myself. Because, it turns out, I’m doing all the heavy lifting for my creative projects alone these days.
After leaving my day job behind, I have been the chief cook and bottle washer around here. Which is to say that if anything is going to happen with my writing or podcasting it’s up to me to write, research, revise, record, edit, find guests, manage email and social media (and a whole bunch of other things). There is not a lot of muscle memory when it comes to executing these tasks and building up new skills. Sure, I love to mess around with words but publishing…that’s a whole different ballgame. And when I started the podcast last fall, I had never even opened that free GarageBand software on my Mac, much less edited content. It got easier and I was plenty proud of myself for figuring it out, but I missed having a team or even a partner who was as invested in it all as I was. My husband has been crazy supportive of all of it, but he’s not down in the trenches with me and I miss working side by side on a shared project.
And even though I swore I wasn’t retiring in December 2019, I did slip a bit into retirement mode. So that means it’s taking some effort to treat my creative projects as even a part-time job. Self-discipline in the absence of real deadlines or others relying on me is elusive. So after a very busy winter/spring of learning, growing and producing the podcast, I took a little hiatus. It was meant to be a few weeks and instead turned into a few months. And, if I’m honest, almost no one noticed but me. But now, one week into my November daily writing commitment, I’m enjoying the process again. It’s been energizing, and a little humbling, to go through old files (digital and paper) and rediscover picture book projects and articles I wrote years ago. And to realize they still have value and can be reworked for today…or tomorrow. I regularly advised students that there was no one absolute timeline to be adhered to. Yes, it was standard to graduate high school and spend the next 4 years completing college but it didn’t have to be done that way. And maybe it even shouldn’t be done that way. (I’m a big fan of the gap year concept but more on that maybe in a future post). I don’t recall who coined the phrase “the tyranny of should” but it’s spot on. We get so caught up in what they say we should be doing or even what we think we should be doing. It’s important to step back and figure out both what you want to do and the why behind it. Our motivations are often so external as to be meaningless at best and harmful at worst. I have been following my own advice on that front but let’s just say that after 50+ years of being beholden to the shoulds, whatever their origin, it’s hard to break free and dig deep enough to find what’s really in your heart.
But my writing and the podcasting are kind of like two sides of a barbell that I absolutely love to lift. Both are aimed at helping children, whether they are 4, 14 or even 24, to embrace the innate curiosity and confidence that somehow gets lost or buried as we get deeper into school systems and societal norms. The challenge for me is that there are so many different ways to get this messaging out into the world but none of them are what I would call easy. It’s been a bit of a wobbly lift this last year to say the least. I I’m a little all over the map in terms of interests and works in progress, so I’m not doing a great job of adding equal weight to both sides at the same time. In truth, I wrote a lot for the podcast. Intros, questions, sponsor spots, closing remarks etc but I didn’t write anything else. It was all in service to the audio. So for November, I’m redoubling my efforts on the writing without doing any recording. So far, I’ve written a 1,000 word outline for a Ready, Regan? sequel, drafted a plan for a short instructional ebook repurposing some early writing efforts, brainstormed new ideas for an old picture book text, and reviewed an old article that I think can be easily reworked for current publication. Of course, I’m deliberately not getting too caught up this month on where these projects might land. For now, I’m focusing on creating things I love and am proud of and really, just rebuilding that writing muscle. Lots and lots of reps.
* For local friends, the gym is M2 Fitness and you should check it out here.